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There was only one place to go, definitely not home. I was going to go missing.


I felt like a writer with a story and the end; and nothing in between to write.

I tried to focus on what the Rubenesque doctor was telling me. She was like a shadow dancing so far away out of reach.

I was just beginning to live, I thought. How did this happen?

I was a junkie coming out of rehab. Meth had taken most of my enamel, and some other combination gave me heart palpitations. But rehab, thanks to dad’s money, put me in order.

Behavioural therapy, superintended by the beautiful Dr Liza, was the real deal. I loved visiting her, watching her as she counselled me, fantasising. Now I was cursing.

Dr Liza of my dreams ordered a slew of tests on me before she let me off the hook, with a recommendation to live in the society. The results were out, and Dr Liza was talking that talk again. You know the kind of talk they talk of positive living.

“Your CD4 count is not that bad,” she was saying. “You have the whole life ahead of you.”

No, I did not have any life. I had an end.

Dr Liza did not see that, she couldn’t.


I love missing. It was the only place no one would judge me; see me as a burden, just another walking dead. 


In 11 years, you can grow from a simpering prepubescent virgin to a slut, transform from an altar boy to the most wanted criminal, and fall in and out of love so many times it stops mattering. In 11 years, a socialite can turn from a black pot to an albino, you can become a parent or a killer; you can outrun the law or end up running from yourself.

Imara Angani

The crew room at Laikipia Air Base was a flurry of activity and a cacophony of telephones ringing off the hook. Fighter pilot Major Ahmednasir Ramah sweated copiously inside his flight suit as he waited anxiously beside the telephone, glancing every few seconds at the crew-room clock.

Deep in his bones, he felt that either this mission would pass as a blip in his military career or it would be his last. Ramah held the telephone handset tight, raised it to his ear, and listened.

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